I don’t even think I truly understand what intimacy means…
My heart hurts. I try to ignore it but I can’t sometimes… My insecurities are fuckin eating me up inside. I’m alone too much. I barely consider anyone a friend.
I’ve been raped by 2 men that I sometimes see on campus. I was punched in the eye by a random man in a club. My dad knows so little about my life, and barely tries to understand it. The most we ever talk about is the weather…
I know I have the power to change my mood and internal feelings, perhaps I should write some affirmations… .
but it would be nice too know what love, trust, and intimacy felt like…
maybe one day I’ll believe someone when they tell me I’m beautiful.
maybe one day this hurting/numbed heart of mine will change… .
but for now I’ll just smile in my selfies and pretend I’m content
Seeing my father on fathers day always leaves me feeling a little more fucked up, insecure, and dead inside… . . thanks dad!